I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i've created a new STD.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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