Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
