Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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