I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
