Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize