can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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