So drunk its hurt
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
accomplished twins. life is a go
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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