i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
