Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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