Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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