so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
