I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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