During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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