you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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