I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
