I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
