i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
