My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
