You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
