um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize