pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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