so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
