I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
