guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
