Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
