am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just invented taco cereal.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize