Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
