My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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