I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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