new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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