she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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