Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
