similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just found puke in my bra..
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's shark week go big or go home
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
