is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
His hands were made for my vagina.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
