My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
