the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
