ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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