I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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