New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
