WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
how drunk are you?
Several
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
