did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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