Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
