If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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