who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
