Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
