I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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