I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize