I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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