do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They are going to name an STD after you.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
