So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
