No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
