Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize