just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
