his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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