Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
