just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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