Will you blow on my dice?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
