Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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