guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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