shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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