I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
