if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
