I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
