got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
