One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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