you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
