how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
